How Did I Get So Insecure?


We all feel insecure sometimes.  But some of us feel insecure ALL the time. This debilitating kind of insecurity comes from fear and it’s shaped by our past experiences.  This fear affects how we perceive ourselves and how we interact with others, which in turn has an impact on our self-esteem and self-confidence.

As children, our role models, the people whose behavior we see every day, are our parents, teachers, relatives and caretakers.  We learn to love ourselves by observing our caretakers love themselves and us unconditionally, regardless of looks, athletic or learning abilities.  We feel loved regardless of our achievements and, consequently, we learn to love ourselves. When things happen that make us doubt ourselves, we know that it’s going to be alright because we believe we are capable of anything.  

If we grow up in an environment where we constantly hear our parents being critical, constantly comparing us to others or when our parents are often absent, we start to think that we need to be prettier, smarter to be valued and loved.  Overprotective parents also shape our future by making us doubt our own abilities. Surely they won’t let me learn how to drive or use the stove or ride a bus home because I’m incompetent, useless.


We are not born insecure.  Insecurity didn’t just happen to us one day and become a personality trait.  It is a FEELING that is caused by thoughts about ourselves that have gone on for so long that they’ve become a habit.  Kicking a habit like smoking or drinking requires a great deal of discipline and your habit is going to require discipline too.  The good news is that you CAN get over your insecurities starting NOW!

Grace Hahn